Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Getting this party started

Hi. My name is Chris, and I'm a fat, depressed girl with self-esteem issues. Everyone: "HI CHRIS."

Okay, now that I got that introduction out of the way... Why am I blogging? I wonder why any one blogs, and if anyone will ever read this. More than anything, I guess I am doing this for myself, and hope to reach out to someone, somewhere who may be able to connect. I want to be completely honest, unashamedly candid, and expose myself and my struggles. Those struggles include an almost lifetime fight with weight and self-esteem, my health, and depression that I didn't know I had until I was almost lost to it for good.

My name is Christina. I also go by Chris, or Nash (I'll explain why later). I was born and raised in South Florida, in a big family, originating in rural North Carolina. I'm the youngest of five children. I grew up in a home where there was always love, a lot of people, and a lot of frustration. Most importantly, I remember growing up loved. Which I now know is not a given factor in many people's childhood. I went to college, first here in Palm Beach County, and transferred to Belmont University in Nashville in 1998. I stayed in Nashville a few years after college and moved to Alabama in early 2004. By May of 2004 I was back in South Florida, broke, practically homeless, and watching my father die from kidney failure.

My weight problems begin in adolescence. At one point in my life I was too skinny. But then the weight started piling on, and has never come off. Through the years I've eaten my way into a size 22, and my self -esteem plummet with each increase in pants size. In this blog I will be focusing a lot on my on-going battle with my weight and self image. That is why I am calling this "I have such a pretty face." It's the line every fat girl dreads. We've all heard it and cringed at the sound of each word. Many a well-meaning family member, friend, and stranger has uttered those words to a fat girl in hopes of offering comfort, and failing miserably. Note to reader... NEVER, EVER, EVER, tell a fat girl, "You have such a pretty face." Just keep it to yourself, it will be much more helpful.

Other issues I look to discuss in the open and public forum (good god, what am I doing) are contributing factors to my weight, and some of the devastating results of being a fat girl. Don't judge me for the things I write about. I'm going to expose 100% of myself. I'm going to do it because I know there is at least one person out there who will read my words and know they are not alone. I also know there are people out there who know me, but don't understand me. Or they know someone like me, and can't understand. I hope those who read this will take it for what it is, a way for one struggling person to reach out to humanity for help, love, and understanding.

1 comment:

Shuyi said...

I think you are marvelously brave to be so honest and open. Thank you.